Go ahead and laugh. You know you want to.
Right now he is sidling up to my leg, looking for a little love. I'm not falling for it. We've played this game before. The evil cat is also a genius. I've seen him in action.
His name is Louie.
Yes, he is shaved in that picture. Does that account for his evilness? Possibly. That's not the point.
Ten years ago he was diagnosed with a fatal disease and given a year to live. I cried. I prayed. I held him tight. It was me and Louie against the world. I completely stuffed a ballot box at work so he would win the Cutest Cat commendation.
For the past 5 years I have been waiting for him to........move on. Go to the light. Kick the bucket. Buy the farm.
What's that? Too harsh, you think? Now before you call PETA, let me say that he is well fed. Sheltered. Occasionally petted. Moving on......
He will pounce on service men.
He will lie in wait behind a partially closed door and take a swipe at your ankles as you pass through.
He will intertwine himself around your feet as you're walking and then chuckle as you fall. Don't you doubt me, I have seen this cat smirk.
He also plays with knives. I sleep with one eye open.
I once purchased a book on animal behavior. The page that instructs you how to establish dominance over your cat has been chewed out. Little paper shreds hanging from the spine.
As he sits in the windowsill, stray cats will pass by and I hear him make strange whispering sounds. Not growling, hissing, or other aggressive nonsense. And I have to wonder what he is plotting. An evil scheme to take me out? Or something grander......maybe a plan to take over the world. I've tried talking to him about this, but all I get is the cold tail flick.
I have no witty closing line. I'm too frightened. And quite frankly my tummy hurts. I saw Louie nosing around my chicken pot pie earlier.
Does anyone else smell almonds?
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